i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
