A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
