quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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