Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize