The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
