Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize