I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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