no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
