Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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