dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
