You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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