If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize