NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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