i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
