is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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