she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
