Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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