This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
