Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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