Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
