Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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