My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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