I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
