Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
