How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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