we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
