I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
wow bdsm is so cute
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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