dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
