just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
