I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
