I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
