If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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