You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
