Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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