he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize