I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
