Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
