I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'm really busy with my period
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