Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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