I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
