i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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