Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
