I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
