No, drunk sperm still make babies.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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