Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize