please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
