New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
soo... how was my night?
Randomize