Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i believe in u and ur pee
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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