Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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