East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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