so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
