Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
