Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
