you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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