we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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