my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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