If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
