are you so shy because you have an std?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
