if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
