Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
