I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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