I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize