so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
