4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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