He kissed a someone with a penis
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
