I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
