I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
