You made me cry and you don't even care
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
two words...techno handjob
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
