Your dad touched me again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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