Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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