best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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