Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
zippers are such a cool invention
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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