I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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