I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
