You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
