He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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