I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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