At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
