dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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