hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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