there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
