Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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