and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
