so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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