Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
