sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
