The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
