i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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