I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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