It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
