We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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