are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
