i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We don't watch enough power rangers
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
