Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Houston, we have a blender
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
